Davy Dan’s Plan For Your Life: January Edition!

Anger Management in a Nut Shell

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Davey Dan’s plan for people who annoy you

“Dear Davy Dan, I have this nagging issue and I need your advice. You see, DD, I complain about everything – thus the “nagging issue”. It’s not my fault, though, really! I have an excuse for everything and it is always someone else’s fault. My mom says I’m “entitled” – whatever that means. My dad says I lack accountability. That’s probably because he doesn’t contribute enough to my account!!!! What does he expect?? What to do, what to do?????”

Well Fjef,

I’m glad you asked. You see I had a similar problem until I started A.C.H.E.-ing. You see, … your issue is that you’re not reacting strongly enough. If you want someone to notice you, it’s not too passive/aggressive to tell them, you need to A.C.H.E. Anarchy, Cry, Humiliate, and Envy!

This acronym is a four-step process to efficiently communicate your emotions and problems to a desired target. Step one is Anarchy.  When you have a problem, throw all other rules (and/or organizations) out the window (except for these ones of course), and yell, scream, fight, and break to your hearts content. If you have time to think about your actions, then you’re probably not angry enough.

When you’re done, then it’s time to move on to step 2: Cry. After your rampage against this foul individual, you should take a moment and have a cry. It is said in every study that crying helps release built-up emotions and it will also make whoever you are targeting feel bad. This is a good thing because it will make the next step even more effective.

The Humiliate step is one that can be taken in several different ways. It is important to adjust accordingly to be most effective in your response. In the average scenario, humiliating your target is the best approach. This can be done with with mean names such as “fish arms” or “cracker feet.” You can also intimidate them with your superior dance moves; however, if you know that the individual you are in opposition with is a better dancer, please skip this step altogether to save from your self humiliation.

Last but not least, Envy. The envy step is the most important step and should be taken with exquisite care. The Envy step requires precision passive aggression, and should be started a day or two after the last 3 steps. Start to give back-handed compliments about various things, like the inferiority of their vacuum cleaner to yours, or the freshness of their sliced bread.

If you did all of these steps correctly, your enemy should be utterly defeated, and will never speak to you ever again. And there you go: no more nagging.

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Anyways, hope this was helpful Ffej. Let me know how it works out for you.

-Davy Dan, Expert.

PS: If it is not worth doing all of these things, then it is not worth saying anything at all. Remember, if it’s not worth- A.C.H.E.-ing over, it’s not worth anything at all!

 

Davy Dan and its contents are not to be taken seriously and it is written as a bit to entertain the reader.